School friends I lost (and found)

I am known to be quite a snob when it come to befriending new friends and even old ones whom I have never met for quite a while. Especially my school friends who will sometimes told tales about me which I just can't seem to recall.

I have this nagging problem of trying to erase my history in my the secondary boarding school which I spent 4 years in. It all have to do with how I was thrown out of that school. My subconcious needs a reminder that I am successful (in my eye) without a black mark in my history or at least although I made a mistake, I don't have anyone to remind me of it. Whatever the reason, my only contact with my schoolmates from that particular school was the annual breaking of fast do which I never fail to attend every year during Ramadhan. After that I rarely have any contact with them

The puasa gathering this year

I did try for the past 3 years to make amend with myself and these schoolmates by getting to know them in their professional capacity. A syarie lawyer whom I tried to give cases to but which I find lacking in keeping to his promise as the clients were important to me at different level. A land surveyor whom I tried to introduce to my political contacts but were deemed redundant when 8th of March 2008 happened.

As it didn't work, my contact with them are just passable and even if I met them at shopping malls or public places, it will be a short hi and bye. No teh tarik session (which I hate) and no activities.

Last month, when one friend who is base in England came home for the holiday, I met those few who don't even come to the annual gathering during Ramadhan. They are more out of touch with my other school friends than me but they keep themselves within their small circle. I am the type who befriended everyone when I was in school and have no allegiance to any clique.

It does come with a price as I always feel like a wallflower as I am impervious to their in-joke which they sometimes have to explain for me to 'get it; but at least I do keep in touch with them and, if ever the need arise, maybe ask them for help. Being the selfish me, that is always the reason why I get to know people in the first place.