When we dance

Marriage is like a dance or is it the other way around?

I have been married for 5 blissful years and counting. Although it is not as long as some people, I consider I can write some experience about it with some authority. Although I have not been tested with a third person or an apocalyptic fights, we do have our share of sleeping in silence or the occasional shouting match in the car (we live in a terrace house, so we are quite sensitive with our voice level as we can hear our neighbour quite well)

I hate dancing, although I frequented a dangdut once (long story, blog about it later). When you dance, you have to be aware and conscious of your partner's movement. You are supposed to lead, if you are a guy and the girl should be the one who follow the lead.

If you remember the movie "Shall We Dance" with Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez (which was from a Japanese movie of the same name in 1996, which I am still looking forward to see), the dance teacher explained that the man creates the frame and the woman is the picture. You show her off while the music guides you...

Again, I ask, is marriage a dance? One where the man sometimes juggle his ego and his needs. His pleasure and his pain. His demands and his wife's dreams.

I believe it is a form of a dance and I want to keep on dancing. Forever...

That is why I love Sting's When We Dance -

When we dance

Angels will run and hide their wings

I'm still in love with you

When we dance
Angels will run and hide their wings

I'm gonna love you more than life
If you'll only be my wife
I'm gonna love you night and day
I'm gonna try in every way

p/s - Here's looking at you...

Where have the REAL men go

The words of the song by Arville Lavigne gives me pause.

The song that starts with a chanting and then she starts asking question like where the girl has to keep telling the guy to open the door for her and the girl had to pay for herself the drinks they had.

Is chivalry really dead or just that it's an observation by the young singer/songwriter extraordinaire on relationship in general?

Another question, does all girls/women expect this, especially in Malaysia?

I have a few friends who ask me not to forget to hold doors for ladies coming behind after me. I did managed to impress my wife when we were dating by opening the car door for her. I rarely do it anymore.

Very rare...

Opening car door that is. The opening of doors is automatic for me nowadays.

I did try to do it to strangers but most of the time its either they were too surprised or they look embarrassed that someone is doing that for them. Basically most just smile. Then they walk away really fast. Maybe they thought I'm going to ask for their number.

To me the holding of doors is a valid complaint by a lady (girl?) like Avril but the paying for the drinks part?

Isn't that what women has been fighting for? Equal rights and all?

Salty cooking

I went to a food tasting recently for my friend's wedding reception and one of the dish of the 8-Chinese course dinner was too salty. There were 7 people at the table and everyone suddenly started telling the old grandmother's tale in olden time where young girls who cooked salty cookings were told off by their mother and were said to be impatient to be married.

Are these belief still stands in this modern times?

Asian women are always expected to know how to cook and secret recipes since long ago were known to be passed from one generation to another. But nowadays, isn't it cheaper to buy cooked food, be it fast food or full meal? As in my house there are only me and my wife, we rarely cook and if we do, it will involved a lot of other people coming to the house to finish everything up.

Back to the issue of saltiness, does it really matter that when something is salty, there must be a reason. Maybe the grandmother was trying to tell that girls shouldn't have their head up in clouds when they are cooking.

At the end of the meal, we called up the chef so that we comment on the foods served.

Out came a MAN.

The longest celebration

I think my wife still love me due to the celebration that she held for me for my 34th. Maybe these pictures are proof of her love of me. Its nice to be loved...

We stayed at a hotel in town, checked-in on 26.10.08...

...where one of the view is this...

...and had dinner at the hotel's restaurant

..after which my wife gave a card...

..and top it off with a karaoke session on 27.10.08 with some friends in town...

and then was presented with another cake at the office on 28.10.08.

Thanks dear, I need to top this next year for yours...

Who says its hard to make a man happy?

p/s - I Love You

Gifts

My wife has this dilemma when she wants to give me a gift especially on special occasions. This also applies if she is looking for gift for male colleagues. She thinks its hard to look for gifts for men.

As today is my birthday and a holiday due to Deepavali, we are currently holed up in a hotel room somewhere in the Klang Valley, ensuring that at the moment I was born, I am really in my birthday suit (let there be another girl, let there be another girl, please, please - maybe this year she got fed-up looking for gift and give in to my wildest ultimate birthday gift - read no. 7 in http://howmanthink.blogspot.com/2008/10/me-woman-she-man.html).

I have gotten great gifts from her before and I still have her first birthday gift with me as it is an everlasting watch. She went to great length looking for gifts for me, whatever she gives me this time will be as great as her herself.

Here's looking at you, dear...

Divorce

Eons ago, I was a divorce lawyer but it only lasted for 2 years. Knowing syariah does help me from straying after I got married especially when I had handled cases where kids are invloved. There were stories which can break your heart when you see it happened in front of your eyes and you need to have strong character if you want to be a good divorce lawyer.

I remember in one case where I had to grab a child from his father, who looked so angry, that his eyes were red and was shaking from trying to hold himself from throwing himself at me as a crowd gathered around us after the judge decided that the mother would be the child guardian. Thanks to the policeman and the court staff, I was spared from being beaten down by a man who was understandably upset.

In another case, I was handling a divorce matter when I had to find a spectacle shop to repair my spectacle (due to some loose screws). I went down to a mall when the court was on a break and was helped by the shop assistant to change and tighten the screws. He was so nice that I ended up talking a bit with him. When I came back to the court, the mother (I was representing the father) called her children to testify against their father. Lo and behold, in the witness stand, it was the shop assistant just now. This time, he was not so nice to me (to say the least). This was how small of a town I was practising before.

All these was long ago but I still remember them as cases like this can impact you in certain ways.

Although I haven't work as a divorce lawyer for quite some times, I still met people who has connection with the word 'divorce'. There are a few of my friend who are divorcee. Some are still single. Some already got married. Being Hari Raya and all, we got to know a few of our clients or those who work with companies which we are serving as lawyers, who seems to come alone at Raya do and when we asked them or their colleague (usually the latter), for the first time we got to know their 'status'. There was quite a few of my students and chambering students who have divorced parents.

It seems that it is a norm for divorce to happen nowadays. Divorcees are everywhere and as for their status, maybe for appearance sake, why don't they just let the word 'single' be the only explanation that they have to bear with.

Not 'divorced'.

On the phone

I was watching Entourage Season 5 Episode 7 the other night and a classic Ari Gold's line was uttered by Jeremy Piven -

"My wife is in the car and I am on speakerphone".

Have this ever happened to you?

It happened to me a few times but its on the reverse.

In my case, my wife will be on the phone and as I hate putting things be it bluetooth listening devices or wired earphone, I have been using the speakerphone for quite sometime. I sometimes have people hitching a ride with me to conferences and meetings who are sometimes are in the VIP category. I can't be talking to my wife about what are we having that night or if my wife being naughty about what we did last night or going to do that night. So, I would always tell my wife who is with me and cut the conversation short.

If there is ever a need for you to answer calls which you wouldn't normally answer if you have your better half in the car,

DON'T ANSWER IT!!!

Unless you are driving a Lexus or a BMW or a Merc or any one of the luxury car where you can connect to the car speakerphone by bluetooth. It happened to a VIP friend of mine while he was testing a BMW 5 Series in Australia and his mistress called and Datin was driving shotgun...

p/s - Ari was driving a Lexus. Turn it off Ari. That's what buttons are for...

Secrets

I posted a post before about a man getting caught of having an affair when his wife found his phone messages with his mistress (Read http://howmanthink.blogspot.com/2008/10/married-men.html). My friend, who read the post at my Facebook note, commented with a simple "OMG!". I posted on his wall asking him what the OMG! is for. He said, that Oh My God was due to him, who is still single, thinking that was nothing is sacred anymore that a wife would look through a husband's handphone.

I was smiling when I read this and wrote him back "When you are married, there is no secret".

Thinking back, just wanting to get more reaction and for discussion sake. Is my statement true? Come to think of it, isn't that is why you got married in the first place. To share everything, until death do you part.

You shouldn't have and you should share everything,

1) unless you have an affair.

2) unless you marry another (for those who can).

3) unless you give up on the marriage and got separated.

So many challenges for married couple to stay together. So many obstacles to face. But is there really any secrets that you shouldn't tell your wife? I have tried to be transparent with my wife even if it means getting into arguments or giving her some ammunitions in fights. Basically, you will never know a person unless you marry them and even then you will always find new things about someone. Especially, if suddenly someone from the past turns up.

Thanks to Facebook, which I connect myself to my wife by declaring that I am married to her, I am connecting with a lot of old friends and sometimes, I have to explain the 6th Degree of Separation between me and the person who just added me as a friend. Especially those girls who I knew through my work or my university friends or my school friends or those strangers who use FB as communication.

I still believe what I said to my friend, there is no secret when you are married, unless...

Thin

What is this obsession with being thin? "Do I look fat?" When you try to gain symphaty and "I look fat!" when you are alone are the most overuse questions everywhere in the world and have been the subject of jokes about relationship at so many occasion.

My wife and I went to a sale launch a few days back and in the middle of it there was a fashion show. The models which came out were Caucasian and was so thin that the bare back blouse (scarf?) that she wore showed her oh-so-thin figure. As the blouse clearly make us see her whole back, I could see her whole vertebrae bone as if there was no skin at all. It was not even sexy. It was gruesome even.

Of course, she was leggy and all. The clothes she wore were also fits her nicely but there was also one model who was thin but not that thin. I mean, she did have a thin figure but her bones were not showing like the other models. She does have a fuller figure and the clothes also fit her nicely.

Its not that I don't understand modelling at all. All model are supposed to be the vision of perfection of clothing lines designer as they want their clothes to look just nice on a woman's body. I also appreciate the look and the styling of modern clothing that need to be worn with confidence as they are nowadays quite sophisticated that no 'normal' women can wear them except if all they do is to look beautiful.

There were some hoopla last February when Spain banned ultra-thin models (as opposed to thin?). At least even the fashion industry is taking notice.

Why don't they just follow the way of the porn movies where most of the actress are voluptuous and full-figured, so much so that some of them are too full at places where men love to ogle even if it was clothed.

Oh, I forgot, the models were showing clothing for women...

Trust

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Trying...

I have a doctor's appointment today. This is the third time I am meeting this doctor and it is not easy to admit that I hate seeing him. My wife is trying to get pregnant (why does a couple has to say 'we' are trying to get pregnant, what does the guy do? Oh, I get it, the sperm...) and I have to ensure all my boys are good enough to swim towards the egg. It was discovered that both of us have something wrong somewhere and both of us have to be probed and poked. We decided before we spend money in some private hospital or maternity specialist centre, we used the government facility first. We believe government do have better facilities than private as if anything happen, they have more equipment to deal with it (and more money to pay off)

Its not easy on the ego to admit that you have failed in doing the basic reason why one's get married which is to have children. Okay, second basic reason after regular sex so you don't put your thing where it doesn't belong. Nearly everyone participates in the discussion when the subject of children crops up and we were advised to do so many things. Some says the cats that we keep are contributing to our health decline but we were endorsed by both of our parents who don't think so. We were told to meet this dukun or that witch doctor. We were given advices by those who have 10 kids and those who just have one. It even becomes a running joke between us (although both of us think its not funny) when we were posed questions to this matter.

We were successful a few month back through IUI or artificial insemination but we lost the fetus after 2 months. Then, it was so near Ramadhan that we decided to change the next session after Hari Raya.

So, here we are...

Today, I am going to have to 'donate' some more into a plastic cup in a drab room with a television and a VCD player with no VCD (today I'm trying to smuggle a porn! Shhh...) and let them analyse what is wrong with my boys. I shouldn't have train them with Malaysian athlete who are always trying to ask for more money. Should have sent them to wherever that Thorpe guy is training so they can be better swimmer. Come on guys, let us show them what we are made off

Cats

My cats impersonates human in their own various ways. I have 3 females and 1 lone male. That lone male impersonate me to the letter if I am a cat. Always meowing himself hoarse to get attention.

Animals, of course, are creatures which best describe the way human would be if we don't have any conscience and moral. They have the basic instinct and they are not shy if they want something, especially cats. When they do something. that is what they feel at the moment. I have read somewhere cats are selfish creatures but I love all four of my cats and I cannot resist at least a pat on the head to those cats I met on the streets or restaurants.

Why do I have so many cats? I actually had 6 of them but 2 died. One died because of teen pregnancy and one because of leukimia leukemia. The one who gave stillborns was so 'manja' that she loves to climb on my back if given any chance. It was during the World Cup 2006 that she died. The second one died just recently and was too sick that we have to put him down.

SPOT. Gone, not forgotten

We don't have children you see and these furry animals are our kids in their own way. Two of them are the brood of one of the adult and the male is the king of the house. Except for the male cat, all are neutered. Yes, I know  that some might not agree that if we are trying to get pregnant for us to keep cats. We have checked and know all the dos and don'ts.

My wife hate cats before we decided to take them in. The adults were born at the backdoor of our house and my wife was scared at first seeing such small creatures meowing their heads off. I was supposed to keep them for a while before driving them off somewhere but when my wife saw their cute furry butt climbing over the box we kept them in, she was hooked. Nowadays, she can't keep her hands off any cats on the street.

Here are pictures of them

Afternoon nap

In laws...

Why can't they just get along? I really can't understand that. I have to contend with women everyday of my life, either socially, my wife, or at work, my partners, who are all women. I have respect for women and I was thought to understand them in ways that only a boy who follows his mother everywhere would understand. However, when it comes to in-laws, I just can't get them.

My wife can't stand my mother. I myself actually can't stand my mother but she is my mother. She gave birth to me and I was raised by her. I can't cut her off just like that. And I don't think my mom's attitude to my wife is the worse one she gave to a daugther-in-law. You should see her relationship with my brother's wife. But, by her standard, no one is good enough for her sons.

I thought this only happen in my family.

I was wrong. It's nearly everywhere I go...

There was this one friend of mind who has a mother-in-law who will always burden her with any trivial matter and ask to be attended to at anytime she calls. She never say hi or anything but just straight away talking as if they were having a perpetual conversation that never ends. She will then unloads her story for the day and starts to berate her son. Yes, my friend's mother-in-law doesn't think highly of her son but this burden is for my friend's shoulder to bear. I always wonder how she can always keep a smile on her face. Except on days when its really bad and everyone at the office will get their heads tore off. Even mine.

I also have this friend whose mother-in-law (according to her) will always smile and treat her nice and then Wham! she will slide in a dissatisfaction or two about her daughter-in-law or how her grandchildren are being treated or how her son is the best son ever.

For those daughter-in-law whose mother-in-law is unbearable, let me say this to you, which was said thousands of times by mothers to their adult children world over, or at least those who are married "Just wait when you have children of your own, then you'll see". While you wait for that moment to arrive,

Just Bear It!

You do love the son don't you?

Period...

Why do I like to talk about something irrelevant to me?

Irrelevant you say?

Let me enlighten you on the connection.

I was told that when you get married, you will not have to look for sex (if you are the type who looks for it) and you will get sex on a regular basis. I was soooo looking forward to it. Mind you, this was not the only reason why I got married but it did play a big part (yes, I'm covering my backside so I won't get whack again. Read  http://howmanthink.blogspot.com/2008/10/married-men.html to understand)

So, when THAT time of the month comes, I do felt crestfallen a bit especially after a long trip and my wife is currently unavailable. Or we had a fight then there is no make out session after I (usually its me) asked for forgiveness. Or we had too much of it and we stopped for a while then we wanna...

We are trying to get pregnant you see, so we need lots of it. This follows an advice of some article where they advice those who are trying to get pregnant must have sex all the time. I do listen to advices, especially sound one like this.

So, isn't this connected to our fragile male ego?

My friend in Facebook was lamenting about that on his birthday, he couldn't get any candy. Some of my lady friends was so out of it and didn't understand what we were talking about that they offered the guy som candy. Those who understood, picked it up and were commenting on the guys status nearly 10 comments long.

There was this one other time, I went travelling with an all-guys study tour of Europe. There was this one Dato' who was quite a potty mouth and acted as the clown in the group. We junior people would just laughed at his jokes. He said to us that he and his wife has this secret code about the wife having her menses. It was when he asked whether the wife is sending her praying attire or 'telekung' for laundry. If the answer is yes, then he knows his not getting his candy tonight, so he can go to his second wife.

Yes, dear wife, when you are having your period, I suffer too... That's why Malay call it 'cuti' or 'off-day'

Me, WoMan. She, Man.

Somebody made a list of how she is more of the man than her husband who is more of a woman (http://zzzdreams.blogspot.com/2008/10/i-am-man-he-is-woman.html) and I also have this conundrum in my life, maybe I can kind of refer to her list to make mine -

1) I love to watch E! as much as she does but I do it more for the sexy women they feature there

2) I pick things up and put things back in their place. She only does it if she is cleaning the whole house, wait... she let me do it.

3) I love to watch porn... wait, that's more man than woman...

4) I love Desperate Housewives but again for the same reason as (1). This also the reason I watch Heroes, Weeds, the Tudors, Secret Diary of A Call Girl, Entourage (does this count? There were beautiful, sometimes naked girls in it)

5) I love to gossip but she loves it too and we sometimes gossip together2

6) I love sex... wait, that is a man thing again, right?

7) My ultimate dream is to have a threesome with another beautiful girl and she did say she will let it of its with that Henry VIII guy in the Tudors, does that mean she is willing to do a threesome?

8) She hates ironing and I do to, so we are the same there but she does it out of love for. Kan, sayang...

9) I hate shopping but I love going to sale launch or product launch or where I can be seen, is that a guy or a gal thing?

10) I love to nag either her or my partner or anyone within earshot. My students sometimes suffer to...

11) I have best friend who I do things together2 by the name of C and we sometimes go shopping and exchange gossips and oggle at girls. Is that a girly or a guy thing?

12) I love cooking once but was relegated to chopping onions and stirring things in pots as she took over my life and now the only thing I cook is spaghetti but she already know how to do that too. Oh, yeah, now I remember, BBQ is now my thing, because of the Sopranos...

Come to think of it, I think I am not so in touch with my feminine side anymore like I used to when I was still single. Its all gone, Gone, GOne, GONE!!!!

Thanks yang.

Men!!!

I was so tired last night that I was already half-asleep when I hit the sack.

My wife pickep up the book that I tossed on the middle of the bed and paged through it before she decided that she was tired too. She switched off the light on her side.

"Darling, would you marry another person if I died?" she opened the can of worms.

Without having to think and with thousands of years of evolution and survival skill, I answered :

"Of course not"

But she knew I am an honest person, so I added :

"I won't know what the future holds for me. If I found somebody..." I let it trail

"Then, who's gonna watch over the cat..." she let it go.

The conversation was brought by the fact that one of her office colleague died yesterday as her colleague, a lady with 3 kids were riding pillion with her husband and was involved in an accident. My wife's whole office went for her funeral and I think it affected her seeing her children arriving and kissing her mother before being laid to rest.

I know its no joking matter but I just want to make a point. There is no man or woman for that matter who can promise that he or she will not take another lover/husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/companion when he or she is left alone after his/her husband or wife dies. Even my uncle who is already nearly 60 years old just got married when my auntie dies. And he is not someone who philander around...

Basically, as much as I love my wife, I may, just may, fall in love again. After all, I am just human...

More than one...

This is a very sensitive issue and will always result in me at least getting a whack on the head (but the make out session after will always be incredible, so its worth it what!). This issue has been talked to death by so many people that I don't need to explain that it is a religious matter for Muslim and endorsed by the holy Quran with a caveat to be fulfilled, bla, bla, bla. I mean, I'm not a religious teacher and I don't want to go to an early grave, so let's just the expert explain it to you with all the precedent and evidence for you to use to go to an early grave to (does that make sense?).

Anyway, the issue that I want to try to make sense about is having more than one wife. I am not going to say that I will never do it or saying that I have plan to do it. I am just wondering... and as a politician friend of mine adviced me never say never especially when it comes to this matter, I am not going to say never. Just not yet... for now. And my wife always know my 'kegatalan' as I had always ask her for a threesome as my birthday present (if it is so hard for her to find me anything) and when we was going to get married, she did know my ambition of trying to go one up on En. Jamil by being on a pelamin with more than one bride. Yes, I am that dumb...

What trigger this thoughts? We had a close encounter of the first wife kind last weekend. We were at one of my friend's/client's open house and we were one of the early guest. In came two persons where a commotion of sort was created by the host when she received them outside. She kept on saying "Should I call you Datin? Should I call you Datin?". As it may be a joke and not wanting to be too direct, we didn't ask for any clarification. They then joined us at the dining area and started to talk about ourselves. The host father came to sit with us and started to ask us how we know her daughter. The daughter came and explained who we were and then she said "This is M's wife. The first one". When I smiled, she added "Khairul surely would know. He does mixed with his kind". I explained to my wife and my partner who M is and then my wife created an innocent faux par by saying "Oh, we REALLY have to call Datin lah ya?". She good-naturedly smiled and we continued talking. She was actually looking for a divorce lawyer and as my partner and I did talk about reviving our long-defunct syariah practice, we suggested to her a few of our friends as reference.

It seems that she was not a happy camper and she did say jokingly albeit with a strong hint of sarcasm, her husband is already dead to her. Only when we were in the car did my partner said her husband was unappreciative of her. This matter about sitting with Datins who are number two although they are number one was not our first time. Living in a State where Datukship is a ticket to move forward and having more than one wife is an achievement, we were always careful when around someone we don't know acting like she owns the place (although its someone else's house) or with a face so 'tight' that her smile never fades.

Being Asian, I don't think this age-old problem(?) will ever be solve and I salute those who marries more than one but manage to keep his sanity and also be good husband to all that he marries. At least, in my religion, who everybody seems to be critical of lately, allows the marriage of more than one and allow legitimate children to be properly raised.

Whether a man of two or more wives can be fair, that's another story altogether....

Waiting...

I picked my wife from the office yesterday as I was at a raya open house somewhere within her office's vicinity. As she had an appointment somewhere where she could get to KLCC easily, we decided to meet there. It was raining and we decided to had some light drinks at the Dome, and she ate some salads. This was after I replenished some books from Kinokuniya as she had consumed all the books we have bought except some that she does not has a taste for. She even managed to finish a Stephen King's and a John Grisham's who she does not think writes well anymore.

I was reading the books that I bought and suddenly my wife said, in a boring tone that she wanted to go to Isetan. I thought she was bored with nothing to do, so I said, Ok, let's go home. We paid and started to go down the escalator. She turned to me and said "It will be just a few minutes in Isetan. I just wanna see some shirt". "Oh, ok", I said.

We went inside Isetan and I saw a bench with another guy already sitting at one of the its seats. The guy was deep in his handphone punching something before talking into it. I managed to exchange knowing glances with him before sitting down. I went back to reading.

The wife took just 20 minutes as the picking was lean. I just managed a few pages...

The guy was still there when we left. His wife stopped by for awhile to drop her handbag. He was in for the long haul.

How many time have I repeated this rituals and Isetan had seen me doing it nearly at least once a year. There was this one time I was seated at the same bench with nearly 5 other men. I had my PSP then and was engrossed with a game I was trying to finish.

That is why I rarely accompany my wife for her shopping trips but if it does happens, I am always ready with something to keep me company. At least, another guy suffering along besides me...

Married Men

I had a conversation with my wife after a colleague of mine was caught by his wife for having an affair.

Me : Did you know that so and so was caught for having an affair? His wife read his SENT message in his handphone.

My wife : Men... So dumb... Cannot keep his thing in his trousers...

Me : He's not dumb. He is only dumb for getting caught, not for having an affair.

WHACK!!!

I was trained by an expert

I am the youngest of 3 male siblings. We are separated by at least four years from each other. My eldest is 8 years older than me and my second brother is 4 years younger than me. Sibling rivalry was easy as we rarely need to be in school together much. They would have graduated to another level of education before little brother had to pester them at the canteen during school.

I was trained by my mother to be in touch with my feminine side to ensure her womanly presence are felt all around the house. I was saved from a life with bad grades in school when my parents decided that leaving me to live with my grandma whom I always conned to get off from doing real school work was not productive. This was when I was just in Standard 4. During those years, in Malaysia, the first big exam was the Penilaian Darjah 5 which was one year away. Getting number 23 out of 26 students was bad. So, I was brought to be schooled in what my mom said "With the natives" (as in orang asli).

Lucky that I turned ok but those 2 years I had to school under the tutelage of my mom, the only 2 years ever, I was trained by mom to be a the daughter she never had. I was taught how to cook. How to iron clothes. How to sweep the floor. Vacuum. You name it, I was trained to do it. She even expect me until around I was 25 years of age to prepare the drinks when someone comes to the house. I finally stopped doing it as its not cool to do that when you were looking to get dates, as my parents lived in a housing estate full with eligible marriageable girls.

I am a full blooded male who was trained to be a girl and is currently deteriorating into a stcratch-my balls-in public type of male after I was married and spoilt by my wife (and still is)...

I believe I have the expertise to know what girls want and what man actually thinks girls want and what we know girls want but we just ignore it with hope girls think we don't understand their instruction...

You get the point...