This is for the women.
When you have sex, think about yourself and as much as you want your partner/spouse to get off, try to enjoy yourself. I have this theory, on why women rarely get off or do gets it butis far and in between. I mean, how many articles have been written about women do not experience the big 'O' when they have sex.
I think, being women, a supposedly emotional creature, they are more concern about their partner being satisfied more than they themselves being satisfied. I mean, women love to please and be pleased emotionally when they manage to do that.
So, they rather not have the whole reason people have sex, especially for men, who will only be satisfied when they have reached that the women rarely achieved.
That is why my advice is for the women, if not always, once in a while, let go and take control until YOU are the one who has had enough. It is even good for your mental health... (and then some)