Friends you accummulate after marriage

This is not about friends between one half of the couple in a marriage but is about the friends that you accumulated after you get married.

For parents they will gett to know the ir children's friend's parents. Some will have their love revolve around their children that they don't even have their own friends. Maybe even the friends that they do maintain will be more virtual through social networking internet site like facebook or myspace or even skype. If not, they will only meet their school friends or university friends during open houses or during celebration or festive season.

Their name will also be changed from their own identity to so and so mom or so and so dad or so and so parents. They will no more be a ble to plan holidays or even a short trip to the mall without having to think out how to bring along the kids. Parents will have excuses ranging from my son have a fever to my daughter have a ballet class to we are going to the beach with the kids.

As for those like my wife and I, being childless, we are the rare breed who have to be understanding so that those who have kids can arrange to have time with us. We even have to do this with our own siblings who have kids who need to be attended to. We don't really mind as we ourselves don't really mix with anyone as we can keep ourselves entertained with various programs.

That is why we have a lot of friends who are in the same boat with us. Childless and available at all time to entertain or be entertained. In our earlier days, we loved cooking for them and we would served them dinner or sometimes, lunch. We didn't dicriminate as we did invite those who have children.

As we now live in a very lively and interactive neighbourhood with the prayer house very near ours, we also tend to gravitate towards those within our age bracket and with the same interest.

And last but not least are those who work with you day in and day out. These are also friends that have to bear with you everyday. They will also play a part in your marriage as their experience with marriage can sometimes make you wonder whether that angry look the wife bears at the end of her day have everything to do with what you did or was she having a bad day at the office with their colleague...

Space

"Space."

"The final frontier..."

That's what they say in the opening credit of the Star Trek series (which I am not a fan except for Generations).

For couples, I believe its important to maintain civility among couples who need a bit of space for them to breathe. Breathing is important in a realtionship, either for your sanity or the relationship itself.

If you seen my status updates on my social network such as plurk, facebook or twitter, you would have known that I was left alone for two nights last weekend. My wife had some girlie sessions with her friends and I went to watch Lakeview Terrace. Got the whole cinema to myself in the Garden's GSC. Okay movie...

Not complaining as I managed to write a few blog posts and finished a few chapters of my CIFP CD. Did try to go out with my business partner but was not in the mood in the end... Was just cruising the streets of KL.

My problem is I have lost most friends when I got married except for a few who are also busy being married. Once I was busy with business as my clients need to be handheld for days on end at karaokes and such. Those moments I left my wife at home and returned home quite late.

Did got to know a few of my neighbours but still in the getting to know process...

Maybe next time I'll call them out for a bull-shitting session...

Sacrifice...

Today is Eidul Adha or Hari Raya Haji in Malaysia. I will be at my parent's house in Seremban and already up since 6.30am to prepare myself for solat sunat eidul adha at 8.30am near the surau at my mother's house. I won't be having breakfast before prayers as that is another sunat on hari raya haji. Some bonuses require hardship and not eating breakfast is nothing.

My wife remember her first raya haji at parent's for all the wrong reason. My insensitivity...

I was so into this plus points that you can gather during the two eid that Muslims celebrate such as new clothing, different routes going to and fro from the mosque and eating breakfast before prayer for Eid Fitr whilst for Eid Adha, the old clothing, same routes going to and fro from the mosque and not eating breakfast before the prayer. As a bachelor, I had followed this to a T. I did all these by myself and my mother was not really the type to help me prepare my clothes for that day as she had trained me to do this by myself.

From the year that I got married, we celebrated both eids in my hometown. This has been the case even to this year. So, on that particular eidul adha, the night before eid, I asked my wife to prepare my baju Melayu (how do you translate this to English? Malay clothes?). When I was saw that she had prepared a new baju Melayu which she made specifically for that occasion making it a new clothes which made me unfairly saying that she had made a terrible mistake and she should find me one of my old baju Melayu. She took it hard as she did not understand the reason for me so wanting to get that bonus.

I think that is one of my fallability. Looking at too big a picture that I tend to forget the smaller details.

Sacrifice on eidul adha has always been a theme for its existence. My wife had done a lot for me this 5 years we were married. I have done my share too but this post is about her and I just wanna say...

Thank you...

The cow which is going be 'sacrificed' for the coming Eid...

(Not in referral of any kind to the post) 

Chick flicks

Whenever my wife wants to watch a movie, especially when the movie is a lovey dovey movie or about how a boy meet girl then meet another boy/girl who becomes a third wheel or in short when its a chick flick, I would try to wiggle myself out of it.

However, its not that I don't watch chick flicks as I did have my own favourites. I did watched Titanic thrice, at the movies, where at one of the show, I watched it alone. I love When Harry Met Sally (yes, I am that old), You've Got Mail due to all the Godfather quotes in it, High Fidelity due to Jack Black's underated performance and a few others due to its own quirky reasons. I think I even love the Notebook although I never really watched the full movie but some parts at the Astro movie channel.

Nowadays, I know there are too many corny movies being pushed down the throat of the consumers with half-baked scripts and I would always check the reviews on the movie, the director, the hype and the storyline. Even then I would still try to influence my wife to not watch it if I think that its not that good.

Some chick flick movies were so bad that even my wife agreed that we shouldn't have wasted our time. That is how critical we sometimes can be. As we do watch old movies or movie like Priceless or movies such as As Good As Gets which is  one of our favourite, we sometimes watched these movies in the comfort of our own home on the television.

As they say it, they don't make it like they use to...

Faking it

Does women really believe that when you fake it, we, men, wouldn't know? Just by looking at the face and feeling the spasm, a man should know the real deal. A real man that is...

Anyway, faking emotions or the big 'O' doesn't just apply to women. Do you realised that men are good at 'faking' too? They can fake being guilty at something or being 'insaf' like what the Muslim would say. They can shed tears if the need arise.

Okay, I know that I am not being fair. There are a lot of cry-babies out there but come on, when it comes to real man, REAL as in the heterosexual one-woman type of guy, okay scratch that, heterosexual guy (who wish for more than one woman), crying with real emotions are so unreal. Unless there's a death in the family or your football team lost in the final game of the season which would have clinched the title (go Arsenal!)

Read my post on Crying at http://howmanthink.blogspot.com/2008/11/crying.html. I am the complete opposite of my better half and I only fake it when I want to sleep late by not waking up when called to do houseworks...

Choices...

I have a friend who is having headaches due to the choices made by his children. The choice of their would-be spouses for two of them and the choice of one who had gotten married this year.

There is this saying in Malay "Diluah mati mak, ditelan mati bapak" - You swallow, you kill you father, you spit it out, you kill your mother. In short, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Here are his dilemmas. He is a very conservative person. He was a politician from those days where the only superpower was that one party which had govern us forever. He married when he was 28 and he was known to be quite a playboy before and after marriage as he believe a man should always be in control of everything that happens in his house. He nearly married another as a second wife but was stopped by his own conscience even when he already knew the girl's family and spent time with them in America, and got his wife's comsent. He thinks of himself as an ultra Malay with strong moral compass borne out of living in a kampung environment. He has unshakable believes bordering toward controlling all that happens in his household.

But, he never expect his children to be so very liberal that he has to change his perception towards marriage and even towards life in general.

His test case started with his second child. His second son is now married to his own friend's daughter. This particular friend was his buddy when he still went to karaoke session and do various unmentionable things with those who served them in these 'palace of pleasure'. This friend also married a second wife who is 2 years older than his eldest daughter.

My friend was so disturbed when his son told him of their love affair. The son was even sent to Australia to try to break the couple off. No such luck. One of the reason the father tried to break the affair was due to the fact they were 4 years apart in age and the girl was older. That was 2 years ago. Last August they were married and now the girl is already pregnant. My friend has accepted the fact that they are in love and there is nothing that he can do to separate them.

Now, here are some new news which he confided in me two, three weeks ago. His eldest child, a daughter had just been engaged to a boy 5 years her junior and the boy is just 19 years old.

His third child, a boy, who is furthering his study in London is now in love with a Chinese girl who was studying with him in KDU before he flown there. The girl is arranging to further her study in the same area in London with her boyfriend.

My friend lamented that there is nothing he can do to make sure his children marry according to his belief. I know that the wife did play a part in influencing him but when I asked his son, the son said after he lost his seat in the state assembly, he became more 'mellower'...

Maybe, changes doesn't come in politics only. People can also change.

Even if they are old...

Small like daddy's

As I still don't have a child, a story about the cuteness of kids and their inquiring minds is very rare and is always 'borrowed' from a friend. The friend in question is my wife's colleague.

She was breastfeeding her newborn one afternoon and the hungry child was still suckling after 15 minutes. As the time passed the mark of 15 minutes, the child was still suckling and she was starting to feel some pain. She said to the baby jokingly "When will you stop suckling? This is taking too long...", she lamented.

Her other son who was sitting near her vicinity suddenly turned to the mother and child and said "Hey baby, don't suck it too long. If not, mama's breast will be small like daddy's...."

Hmmmm.... Maybe that's why the Japanese created a bra for men...

Shoes...

I just ordered myself a new Cole Haan's brown shoes to substitude it with the blue one that I have as my wife has been pestering to not wear the blue pair when I am wearing my brown khakis. Although I know that its a fashion faux pas, I just can't help it as Cole Haan shoes are soooo comfortable. Nike Air technology and all.

A rare occurance. No shoes...

It reminded me of women and shoes. This is my second pair of shoes for the year and my wife is already into her 10 new pair of shoes this year alone. Its not that I don't understand the needs of women but it is just that they can buy shoes as if they have more than a pair of feet. They need all type of black shoes to go with all type of dress. They need a flat, a wedge, a stilt, a strappy one and there are so many type that these that I have mention is enough to show how many over the years have I been in the vicinity of my wife shopping for shoes. That does not count the other girls I have been fortunate enough to accompany for their shoes fetishes's fix.

The only thing that I love about shoes is when I am entertained with the latest stillettos before it's everyday use....

P.D.A.

I shunned Public Display of Affection if it involves kissing and hugging, except in airports or if there were no one I know around. I know this one Dato' whose wife sent him to airport and this old couple kissed on the mouth before the Dato' flew off on a trip. I was also in the same group as the Dato but my wife was only dropping me off without me having to hug and kiss her in public. Phew....!!! And that was with the Datin asking me where was my wife as she never met her before.

I know I use this image before but just look at these two...

Okay, that was bad of me but I just hate doing that type of show in public as a kiss on the hand (by the wife, of course) is affectionate enough with deeper meanings. I even sometimes forget to hold my wife's hand or even pull back in certain circumstances and I know it hurt my wife a little but I am too anal retentive to change myself. Unless it was done in private which defeat the totally whole idea of showing your affection in public.

I have friends who do it like they were the most loving couple around. My wife and I even call them 'the loving couple' behind their back of course. Its not that we hate them, it's just that we know stories behind the shown affection. Its bad enough we have to endure the sickening sight mushiness of it all, we have to hide the fact that we know that their marriage is not that..... good.

So, until I hit my head and change my perception of PDA, I'll just use the term PDA for the handphone that can surf the net...

If that ain't love...

The song by Supertramp, sung back by Gym Class Hero, on how he thinks that a girl is in love with him with one of the chorus saying "If that ain't love I don't know what love is" made me to start thinking about the nature of modern love among my friends especially. Singing on how if you look at his girlfriend and you will see how much that girl love him. She then change her ringtone which will be unique to him when he calls.

This pop song of love and affection shows that time have change. The Supertramp song was sampled by Gym Class Hero and renamed "Cupid's Chokehold". Apt name with the way the singer expressing his happiness of being chosen by his girlfriend and treated to various affectionate acts. He was surprised at these acts and expressed himself through this song.

Its not really the whole song that catches my fancy but its the word "If that ain't love I don't know what love is" which implies that the person who love you did things which is exclusively yours and no one else. The personalised ringtone, the late night talks, all the affections and all the sacrifices that you are willing to make. It all had to do with giving a unique feeling to your love one. Doesn't every couple feel that their love is the greatest in the world.

Mama love

When you are married, the greatest thing that you will need to adapt to is your partner idiosyncrocies.

The burping. The farting. The scratching. The anal retentive mind. The slob. The not-putting-in-place-back-the-thing-that-I-have-taken. For male. And some female.

The PMS. The shoes. The furniture. The dress. The why-did-I-marry-this-guy? questionable look. This is for the female. And some male?? (maybe in this day and age)

Anyway, tolerance is the key to success. If not, you will throw in the towel very shortly after your union... or have a very miserable life together. Like some people I know...