8803

8 years ago, after Asar, which then was nearly the same as now, at 4.45pm, I solemnized and officially become the man in someone's life. I was so nervous about going to the mosque from my kampung in Negeri Sembilan, I actually took a wrong turn to the highway. I had to detour nearly 20 kilometers away. I am not sure whether I ever told anyone, including the person I now called wife, about that tale. When it comes to the exact moment for solemnization, I don't think I had any problem, except due to the heat, I was sweating....

Just to commemorate the day 8803, which we have embedded in most of our plate numbers. 4 cars and counting.... One was written off due to an accident. One is being used by your sister. And two is still in our possession.

As this is Ramadhan, let us celebrate this anniversary with a quiet sahur later....

And reflect...

Men never mature

Heard one caller called a radio station the other day and as the topic was about women dating men younger than them, she exclaimed "Do not date younger men!". When asked why, she simply said "They are so immature". Then she said that she marries someone who is 3 years older than her.

I think she need a reality check. The radio announcers should have asked her whether that husband of hers is a real matured man or just as immature as any other men? Did he sulk if scolded or did he know where he stands in life? Does he pick up after he discarded his clothing? Does he helped around the house?

Just to make a point, most men don't do all this. And what does this falls under?

Yes, ladies. We never mature. We are all just big boys who have grown in size but we will always be boys, nonetheless. Whatever our age. 

Just check out that sulking old men whom you call your father.

Gay partner

With no malicious intent (which can always be construed whether I say this or not), I call any two guys or gals, who seem to be always together at events or whatever, when I refer to his or her other half, asking about the other person, I will always say "Hey man! Where is that gay partner of yours?".

Some will play ball and answer it good naturedly but some do take offense of this and protest vehemently that they are not gay and they are not a partner. I usually just smile back and ask back, "If you are not gay, and is comfortable with your sexuality, what is the problem? Will girls suddenly wouldn't like you when they heard me saying you have a gay partner.

As this is Malaysia and last I heard, there are still more heterosexual than homosexual (if what I know is correct) and I bet all women love to 'turn' any one of those handsome homosexual into a red blood heterosexual male. Especially in view of most men being too crude for their taste.

Hey, even I have a few 'gay partner' that my wife even mentioned that I always drive by a house of one of this guy I always hangs out with so that I might into him, just like a lover driving past his or her lover's house.

This note is more biased towards gay as in between men and men as women are more intimate with each other even with their best friend in contrast with men.

 

Gay partners of yesteryears

Gaydar, a tool...

I learnt of this term when my wife and I were following L Words which is basically about the homosexual community in Los Angeles.

I have a few gay friends in Kuala Lumpur, which may not be as open with others and one of the topic which they usually brought up is the issue of identifying those who are gay. Of course, in a conservative country like Malaysia, being gay is a no, no. But they are around and in a modern city like Kuala Lumpur, it is not that surprising.

Like what Jack of 30 Rocks once said, "He is not just powerful, he is gay...", meaning to say, some of those who are powerful are gay and there are certain business where they have cornered the market.

Back to my friend. He is always hoping for signals to know the availability and the sexual preference of those he fancy. Some do respond and some brush him off.

And yes, even in Malaysia, the issue of "Where have all the good men go?" do play a part in the dating scene. Much like Sex and the City...

Men rarely plan to have affairs...

...it is just that the women they bed usually want more than just a fling.

I really believe this you know. Unless the men is really not married or is still looking for someone to share his life, men usually only want to have flings where they can run to whenever they want some personal attention which wives sometimes neglect to give. Some men can only think with the brain between their legs than those that are on their head and they will do this just to have a session with their flavour of the month.

When they managed to get a girl who wanted more than just sessions in bed, these men will do whatever they can to keep the affair goes on. They will promise (the first sign that they are not honest) then promise some more. They will never say the real thing until they have sunk into a pit which they cannot come out of.

Then they start to say the wrong things...

How I got to know my wife_Part 2

Continued from yesterday's post

When I get to know that older woman, I start to date her, once in a while. You must understand, being a man, at the age of between 25 and 29, who was looking for someone to settle down with, I was dating left and right. I kind of having a transit points between the big city I was trying to make a living and my hometown, down south, about 50 kilometers away. I actually had 8 girls I was dating simultenously. Some serious, and some were just there for me to see them when they are free. Some were those whom I really date, as in wooing and taking them out. Some were those who are in between the friend zone, the maybe I will date her zone and then friend zone again.

One day, I was having dinner with my client who introduced me to that older lady. She was late and we were already eating when she arrived. It was raining and there were 6 or 7 of us that night. As she flustered her apologies, she also introduced us to this girl who had a short hair and was wearing a white shirt. She was as flustered as her and after the intorduction, they were actually sitting in a corner and continued a deep discussion which they seemed to be having before they joined us.

As the only eligible male on the table, I was already eyeing her then. Not in the way I want to have your phone no., can I contact you, but more of the I-think-I-want-to-know-her-more-but-not-sure-how-to approach. I didn't have the chance then as halfway through dinner, they were already off as it seemed that they came in one car. I was curious as they explained they met somewhere.

That was how the first time I saw my wife. It was a short meeting and I actually dismissed that one meeting as meaningless. No sparks was emanating then.

To be continued....

How I got to know my wife_Part 1

My wife hates this story...

She will never admit it but very few of my friends know the story except my long time business partner. And usually when the friends whom I have not met for quite some time then we met somewhere, when they ask me who is my wife, their first guess will be, she is a lawyer?

The simple reason why my wife hates the story is due to the fact that I met her through my then (supposed) girlfriend. I was never really steady with that girl, who was more of a woman, even then. She was a 39 years old single mother, then and I was a lawyer who just opened up my own practice. I actually got to know her when I saw her behind the counter at this one shop which my client love to frequent in an affluent part of the city. It was through her godmother who was seating with us that I asked for her telephone number. 

Before you think that this was my usual modus operandi, as a single man then, think again. First, I rarely approach a woman so direct except through her friends. Secondly, even rarer, I asked a lady's phone number through an older person such as her guardian and in my case, her godmother. So, it was a surprise to me that I was given what I asked. She gave it to me after spending some time with me under the chaperon of her godmother. I even got a warning from the godmother to be courteous and not to be too intrusive on her godchild if I want to court her. That actually set the tone for my whole relationship with her.

I was so cowardly in my earlier life (circa 15 to 20 years of age) that I usually put down  the phone (landline as that was a time handphone was not a norm) if the phone was answered by the parents of the girl I was trying to speak to. So, that episode actually gave me new strength when I talk to women.

That was the background of the lady who eventually brought me to the arm of my wife. As an opening of a few days tale, which I am going to tell in honour of my 6th year marriage anniversary, this coming 8.8.09, I leave it there for another post and another day...

Breaking up while maintaining relationship

Do you do this?

As a man who rarely breaks up nastily (is there such a word?) I seem to be able to keep my relationship with all my ex-girlfriends from my bachelor day. Unless they decided that I am not worth of their time to keep in touch with, I have quite a healthy relationship with them. 

Why is the word healthy is in italic? Well, I don't really go out with them or have real relationship where I talk with them about life or even the household issue. My relationship with them are mostly professional as in I have relationship which allow them to get in touch with me on matters regarding work. They usually call me for advice and I usually call them too for the same. Some of them actually helped me to get work and some are professionals like me who 

After some years, which means, just recently (2,3 years back) I start to go to their houses on selected occasions like Eid Fitri celebration and such. Just to show the maturity of my marriage. I think my wife already know that there is too remote as a chance of me suddenly having affairs with any of them as they are happily married and they are nearly the same age with me. I know, that does not mean that I am not suspected of whatever that women suspect their partner or spouse of having with their exes, but at least my wife do have their number and all, if ever she wants to get in touch with them, for whatever reason (maybe exchanging recipes and such)

Anyway, just wondering whether all those married men out there are like me?

Would you love me any less?

Being insecured, I tend to ask this question when my wife and I were just falling in love. Asking and probing to get assurance that if one thing or another happens, our love will stand strong and we will still be together.

As I was still trying to get a firm grip on a career and was struggling to make money then (as I am still, now), I love questioning her whether if she will still be there if I became poor or not a lawyer or doesn't have a career or all those things that makes a man feel less adequate.

When we were nearing our marriage date, these questions became a serious issue as wouldn't these be the modern day equivalent of a caveman providing enough for his family?

Thankfully, after nearly 6 years, it seems that we have been through thick and thin, we are still together. And I have long ago decided that we have passed the stage of asking and it is now the time to live it...

Why is it called 'Wed Lock'?

Stop scaring the kids...

That is my advice to whoever trying to stop all the problems that teenagers faced. Teenage pregnancy. Teenage sex. Teenage angst. Whatever other 'teenage ' stigma that you are trying to impose on all the kids nowadays. Yes, we know that having to deal with unwanted pregnancy is scary and the best option is abstinence but who are we kidding. Kids will be kids and one of the thing they love to experiment is sex.

The problem when the kids have grown up enough for them to get married, we tend to scare them into not getting married as they have the whole future ahead of them. The best way we always try to convince them is by saying "You are too young". Er, were not in the olden days, people get married when they entered their teens. I thought we are the future and people can handle tougher stuff nowadays.

And then we call marriage as 'wedlock'. That in itself is a big turn-off and made those who want to legalise their love to not do it. Even the Britons have found that divorce is not a good solution to all arguments in a marriage. They are going to have a "cooling-off" period for couples who wanted to get a divorce so that they can rethink their decisions.

Just think of marriage as just another step in love then I think we can all feel how the bond become stronger when we say "I do" and not an obligation which we have to keep, whether we like it or not.

A marriage proposal which nearly became a disaster

I dated my wife between 2000 and 2002 before I popped the question whether she wanted to marry me or not. Atcually we never had a proper proposal situation in which I (or she) bent down on my (or her) knee and ask her (or my) hand in marriage. It was more like a mutual agreement between us that we have dated long enough and has been exclusive long enough (which is a different matter altogether) that we decided it was better that we tie the knot. By 2002, it was a settled thing as when I went to England, I even shopped somewhere in one of their factory outlets (yes, I am that cheap) for our wedding gifts which Malaysian exchange with each other during the ceremony.

So, it was settled that we will not be having to go through that embarrasing and risky business (for the proposer) of proposing and expecting and answer. That is while the proposee had to look surprise and having to quickly decides whether she (or he) really wants to marry the proposer. Simple but maddeningly complicated, right? That is the perils of love.

In my case, as one who loves to spring surprises, I decided to do it although the matter is settled. I did it through a morning radio show in which I have a friend who was one of its deejay. He called me up and called her up and then I talked to her and I was supposed to propose. Before I was patched through to her, the deejays (there were 3 of them) and I sparred a little in which they asked me all sort of embarrassing things like why I like her etc. I was actually nervous and nearly talked nonsense to the benefit of nearly half of the nation (the radio station is government owned and broadcast everywhere and there were not that many stations unlike now then). I managed to get them to call her and then I nearly talked nonsense again before managing to do it properly. 

She laughed at first but then gets into the joke when I told her that I was actually proposing to her there and then through the phone on public broadcast and seriously need an answer from her.

Luckily, she did say the right thing (which was Yes! of course)

Do you remember the time?

I had the title written down for this post in November last year when I wanted to tell my wife about how we fell in love with each other. You do know that this is also the title for a Michael Jackson song which have Iman (David Bowie's wife), the basketball player Magic Johnson and Eddie Murphy. It was the early days of CGI and it was spectacular like most Michael Jackson's music movie videos. The sands that they used in that movie was amazing as they shifted and became people then swirl around as MJ dance.

I decided to write this post now as the death of MJ has brought me back to it and I talked to my wife about how we fell for each other. She told me, I told her once that it was due to her finishing her food unlike most of my other dates who always asked me to finish their food for them. It was true as I had problems with all this dates who tried so hard in maintaining their weight though some of them were already at their ideal weight (in my eyes). If we were having expensive dinner, they will still do it as if what I spent was just to get their heart (that is for men ladies!).

 

Food is never wasted when it comes near me

She actually told me the other day that is one of the story she tell her girl friends when they meet up as she finds it amusing. She also thought that food shouldn't be wasted especially good ones and expensive. I actually think that it was sweet of her as I did told her this and she still remembers it. I do remember quite a few things that we did together, either romantic things or just simple things which stuck to your mind although it was not intended to be so significant. 

I bet MJ was conveying that when he sang that song.

All anniversaries roll into one

My wedding anniversary is coming next month (so, why am I writing this so soon? read on). I heard or saw a few blogs, twits and statuses which announced of the coming anniversaries that couples have when they are in love.

2 month anniversary. 

First kiss. First sexual experience. 

First time holidaying together. 

6 months anniversary. 

One year anniversary of the third date which they declare that they love each other and then consented to have sex and then move in together before deciding not then did it anyway. 

You get the idea. Couple who are so into each other will try to find all the excude in the world to have an anniversary for anything. Let us spell that. 

A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

Until they get married. 

For me, all bets are off. 

When you get married, there are only 3 events which need to be celebrated.

The day you get married (or solemnise your marriage)

Either spouse's birthday.

That makes it three.


That is, until you get children...

 

Just another celebration

"More chicks than Kentucky"

That is supposed to be a kind of one-upmanship prank, heard in a morning show of a local radio. It was a prank call, in which the prankster called the victim and asked him whether he is dating this one girl. The prankster is supposed to be the rival lover and was egging the guy. As the victim was a very ghetto type of guy who deemed himself a tough guy, he used street slang to make his stand.

In one part he was off like in a rant of 100 words per minute and in one part of it, just to show that he did not really care for the girl, he said this...

I have more chicks than Kentucky..." in reference to Kentucky Fried Chicken or KFC as it is known here. 

And I think that was the classic part. And as the prank was the first ever prank by that radio station, it was a classic and every time there was a flashback on how they started this prank which the call "Gotcha!", it just cracks me up. 

That guy is one motormouth...They should make a song out of that word. Maybe Snoop will think of one.

What are those people doing in the other room?

Usually, when you are in a hotel room, noises in other rooms intrude your privacy. Whether you are in a budget hotel (like DiCaprio was in The Beach, where the rooms have openings on top) or a 5 star hotels, unless it is the penthouse at the Plaza, there are rarely hotel rooms which can shelter you totally from the outside world. If you are having adulterous affairs or even legal consensual sex with your partner, I think you should know that the other room usually can hear you loud and clear.

I had a few occasion being woken up in the middle of the night, hearing the occupants of the other room returning from late night excursions, either drunk or sober, making noises and then those who checked-in alone but in the middle of the night are visited by a partner which comes out of nowhere (not of those supernatural one) and then started to make noises inside their rooms.

Some did rent rooms just in order to make noise and these are usually those who have some wild parties and are willing to take the risk of being penalise by the hotels or authorities. Hmmm, I think I also have a distinct rememberance of such events along the road when I was in college.

My advice is, if you are 'doing it', do try to keep it down but, hey, where else can you scream as if you are on a rollercoaster if not a hotel room. At least the nighbours are not your real neighbours. And if you are really one those who have those parties, maybe you should just extend the invitation to your neighbouring rooms.

Isn't the saying goes, the more the merrier?

Wearing the same shirt

I did a posting once on how a man dressed himself which you can access here which is basically the sniff and wear type of choosing one's wardrobe. Usually it happens when you are a bachelor in which you rarely like to spend money on something not really essential such as washing clothes. When the smell becomes too unbearable, then you either do some washing or yousend it to the laundry.

However, do you ever recycle back what you have worn? Meaning you wore it for an hour or so going for dinner, then you went home then put the back into the wardrobe for future use, as if it is part of the clean laundry?

I have and I am still doing it. Especially if I used it once and then there is no spill or no smell. Nothing makes it any different from the last time you hang it up. I bet the ladies will never do this and it will not just due to what makes an outfit unwearable. I bet it is more about being seen in the same outfit twice.

Hey, we do want to save the earth and all that right? There are perfumes...

So, I am doing it for the sake of the earth

In the buff

...another way to put it, being naked at the comfort of your own home. Bedroom?

It begs the question, how comfortable are you with your own body that you are willing to walk around naked especially if you are living with only your wife and your small kids. Recommended if you are newly married and you know that you will be at it in no time from the last 2 hours. I think being naked whenever you feel like it is not a given thing in all household. Of course, there are those who live with their parents or have kids who are growing up, but the question begging to be answered is will you be naked 24-7, except for a few occasion if you are given a chance. Not a nudist colony but just with your loved one.

In my bachelor days I remember when among friends we joked that when we are married we would ask our other half to always be ready and naked every time they enter the house. When we did get married, it doesn't so easy, huh...

Maybe this is again a TMI posting but just for the record, some of the postings I posted before does not necessarily something that I do but sometimes are just observations of things that people do.

Long distance remote control

I have this friend once who was studying in Australia and his future wife, who is of course now is his wife, was staying in Malaysia and was already working. They had this thing which is called a long distance relationship. The relationship was a very straining one as the father of the guy was trying to break them off and the girl was adamant in keeping her love. They succeed in the end.

The way the girl did it? By keeping tap of everything, I mean, everything of what the guy do in Perth. I mean, EVERYTHING. She would call every other hour and ask what he is doing and with whom. Whether he was going to class. Whether he was playing football with his friend. Whether he was driving off somewhere for the weekend with some of his friend. 

I was there with his father one day (he was basically my friend's son then but now is already my friend in a way). We were looking around the town for a house as an investment. As I am more of the son's age than the father, at night we were out in town doing things that students do. Going to the hangout place of his friends. Going to the casino in town just trying our hand in some gambling (which we suck). Going to some clubs around town in which I let him sit around with his friends trying to ignore the fact he may be drinking, which he wouldn't me to see. 

That club trip was not conveyed to his girlfriend back home. The other trips like to the casino or the other places were duly conveyed as she called nearly until we went back to the hotel I was staying with his father. The remote did not have a good reception after all...

Older spouse

Older men or older women. Would you date them or even marry them?

I actually have quite a history with older women when I was in my twenties. If not for one of them, I would never have met my wife (this story I still have not told although I already have this blog for months). Older women with younger men are not that rare considering there are not many men to begin with in the world today. Don't you think that the population of male is fast eroding. The maxim either they are gay or taken lamented by single straight girls are truer by the day. 

So, you seen them everywhere. If you are single, sometimes you hated them for making the pool smaller for you. I know a few types of them. Those who are still young but dated or marry someone who is just 5 to 6 years older than them. Those who are still young but marry those who are 10 to 15 years older than them. Those who just turn legal then went on to marry someone waaaaaaaaayyyyyy older spouse. Then there are the separation between men and women.

Cradle snatcher. Razor blades. Lolita. Sex maniac to put it harshly. And many more. Some is just a name to label the act which people consider as not kosher even in this day and age. Even if the difference is just 2 years between them. For them, the norm is for the men to be a bit older say between 1 to 5 years and both are at the marriageable age of 20s or 30s. I know this one friend of mine who insist that the best difference in age is 7 years and then his son married someone 5 years his senior and his daughter went out with someone who just turn 18 while she is 25. Now they are engaged. 

How ironic is that?

Where's my sex party?

I was reading the Star newspaper last week when I came across an article about sex parties which seem to be the trend nowadays in Malaysia. It is not just among adults but is also rampant among kids as young as 14. It seems it is all the rage now.

I don't actually think it is a new problem if you want to call it that (sex parties among adult I mean) as all those who participate must have been aware what they are getting into, regardless whether the issue is about religion, health or moral. Or whatever other problem you want to associate it with. It was just that during those years when I am still a young strapping young man I was never invited to such an event or let us just call it an orgy. It may have to do with my look which I would say to be below average in the 'look' department. Or it may be the company I kept.

Wait, does being in the apartment while two of your friends past you by, with each bringing a girl into their own room, while I am sitting outside in the living room, trying to ignore the noise coming from the rooms, considered being involved in a sex party? Or how about when you live with don't know how many housemates in an apartment and every night one of them will bring one of their girlfriend home, sometimes more than one, and they will be sleeping all around the house (some were really just sleeping) while you came in and go sleep in your own corner, considered being in one too. In the second scenario, I did wake up a few times with a girl beside me, who seemed always to be locked out of her apartment as she love partying till late and don't have anywhere to sleep. She was really sleeping then albeit there were time it seems we were in a compromising position.

Unless sex parties must be something well planned and there are rules and regualations before it can be considered as one, I must have been in a few too. Oh well, not I have answered my own question, why now does the authority realised this? Those experiences of mine were during the early part of 2000s...




Nowadays, mine just have two participants...