How stuffed can one be?

Last week I had an out of body experience and a trip down memory lane when I had dinner one night but was so stuffed until the next day. The food was Arabian and I shared it with my wife. It was a big meal as only the Arabs can. The problem is we ordered like we were eating western food. That means we ordered a starter before the main course. Big mistake.

How did we managed to stuffed ourselves? We went out early at 7pm. We arrived at the Le Meridien hotel which housed the restaurant at 8pm in which we proceed to the maitre'd to try to get a table. The name of the restaurant was Al Nafourah. Although I read somewhere the place is always fully booked, I did not make any reservation. Maybe it was our lucky day when the maitre'd straight away bring us to a table for two. 

Upon sitting, we took a few minute to go through it's menu and we decided to call the waiter to help us in ordering. He suggested a set of three starters which includes a plate of hummus (whipped chick pea), a salad with some crispy chips (I think the name was Muhammarah) and a plate of tabbouleh. For the main course, we ordered a mixed grill to share. We also asked for two type of flat round bread, which includes a pita and a flatter version, which I forgot it's name. It were sent at a commendable period and as we ate these starters, a lady came out entertaining us with belly dancing. Note the word 'lady' to show my muted excitement.

 

These are just the starters

Anyway, after we were stuffing ourselves with this starters, I asked for the menu again just out of curiosity. Although in my mind I know the order was more than enough, I ordered a plate of fried calamari. Needless to say, all the starters were superb and we finished all of them.Then the plate of mixed grilled was served right before the calamari. We started on it without stopping. There was some grilled lamb, frilled chicken and meats. The lamb and meat were passable but the chicken was superb. Halfway, we started to feel stuffed. We talked to the waiter and told him maybe we packed it up in a doggy bag. He told us there's a no take home policy. He said we surely could finished it as they close quite late. 

We enjoyed another belly dancing performance at 10.30pm and it took us another half hour before we managed to finished all of our food. In the end, we were really stuffed. I ordered some Lebanese tea and as I was drinking that we called for the bill. As the title said, it was about stuffing oneself. I remember when I was a kid, I sometimes told my mom I was still not hungry during the day, especially morning, if we had a big dinner the day before. This time, it happened to me during my adult years. I was not hungry well until it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I was so stuffed that I did not feel hungry at all through breakfast and lunch. Now I know how it felt to be so full...

 

The said belly dancers showing her skills

Why men easily get in trouble sexually

This post comes from an idea formed when I saw a youtube video on how to hide one's hards-on if ever the big boy decides to wake up. The actor was hiding it using body positioning, thoughts and various other devices so not to be too obvious he is feeling a bit excited (sorry, I don't have a link to it). However, I think, this comes to another idea on how men always seem to get into trouble sexually more than women. The problem lies in our anatomy in which when we get excited, our manhood will stick out. Differentiate it with women who have their hidden and their excitement may only be evident if something is put in. I know, I sound crude and vulgar but let see this on a science point of view.

When a man is excited, he will have something which is not easy to hide sticking out from the middle of his body. When it is sticking out, all sort of mischief starts forming in his mind. For the one who has a much dirtier or worse, evil mind than other men, which lacks self control, he will try to find a place to release the pressure that is forming in his body. That pressure point can be a bane to some and can even be a turning point of evil being done. In date rape cases, usually people will go out, have a drink, go back home and when the are two of them in the house, if the couple starts to make out then who will be more excited and can't stop himself. Of course, it is the man. That is why you should never lead a man. You think they have other things on their mind when they are excited?

So, the next time you see a man being excitable and all, try to calm him down. As much as you want to get into the sack with him, think about whether you are ready to do it or not. If you are not of the right mind, have a friend whom you can trust to be with you. If you excite a man, then be aware of his shortcoming (pun intended). This may be a lame explanation especially when it comes to those sick minds who do more than just try to have sex with women but even torture and kill them or those pedophile who seems to be a growing community in itself. What I try to explain here are the normal average guy who seems to be a walking sex maniac when he becomes excited about something sexual. Tread with caution...

Self-service

Why doesn't the Malaysia restaurateur who put up the sign 'self-service' really stay true to their signage? They still charge us the 5% service tax and they still clean up after us. I mean, if you are a self-service restaurant, shouldn't you NOT hire all this people to do all this work which actually is supposed to be done by the customer itself. The problem with Malaysian not cleaning up after themselves are due to the restaurant pampering them too much and not asserting themselves well on these people. They keep on hiring immigrants to do this supposedly 'dirty' job but never think outside the box of cutting cost.

I think most Europeans and Americans understands that when you are given a tray to pick up your food, you are also expected to put the tray at a tray collecting trolley which is basically there all over the self service place. Some like McDonald's who have disposable cutlery, you can just chug all what you have bought into a bin and stack the tray on top of the bin. All this have been made easy by the industry. What is lacking is the culture.

When I was touring Europe, being Malaysian, I was also uncultured enough to put my tray away after I eat. The friend who became my tour guide then had to tell me where to put the tray. I then saw the tray trolley being wheeled into the kitchen making it easier for a very skeletal crew to run the whole restaurant with minimal cleaning staff. This self-service business culture may come out of a need for an efficient way to run a restaurant with as little crew as possible. It may not be popular at a time when people are looking for jobs but for a business owner, it is a need that they have to consider. Make do with the locals who can really man the counter and clean up if there are spills but for the cleaning up, the full self-service business model is the best cost-cutting measure. Come on, do it already...

Unforgiving

I watched the Sex and the City movie starring the one hit series phenom Sarah Jessica Parker and her 3 other has-been-who-gets-a-second-life actresses thanks to this series on TV and now a movie. The theme is about being forgiving. I really think they nail it in 2/3 of the movie until all these unforgiving persons suddenly had an enlighten moment and forgave each other. You see, in real life, I say all that is just bull-shit.

In real life, the women will forever be hurtful and will rather be alone (and like Cameron Diaz character said in Something About Mary - "There's the vibrator to keep me company") than forgive the lying-cheating-son-of-a-bitch-bastard-no-good...man (fill in the space with as many expletives that you want). Being forgiving is not an option. Being revengeful is...especially if there is another woman after. You want a REAL movie about love in the big city, watch the Break-up with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughan. Now, that is a real revengeful, unforgiving movie. Which is the real life played on the big screen.

Why is it when a man make a mistake, the woman will never consider to forgive him until it is too late. He meet another woman or he moves on and the woman will just keep on saying she actually loves him but she was betrayed or what he did was unforgivable. If it is the woman who makes a mistake, unless the man is a deranged lunatic, which is always the case nowadays, the man can look deep into himself and forgive her. From what I know, it is alawys about the man having another woman in his life or some other factor which relates to his unfulfill sexual needs. Either it is too much or too little of it.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to say men are always at fault or women are never to blame. This post is about being forgiving and I believe all need to learn on how to do it properly. Forgiving can still be done without letting the one who did the wrong into your life. It will make you at peace with yourself. Try it. It may be the best thing you ever done...

Hitching up your trousers

Everybody knows who Urkel is. If you don't know, then you are just too young. But this guy was the epitome of nerd for quite sometimes. A nerd who don't have a style living in the years of buff-up guys ruling the roost. When nerds are nerds and not cool geeks who owns an empire while lording over other people. Some got stuffed into lockers. Some couldn't even walk on the street without being chase by other boys.

What is so special about Urkel? It is how he dressed. He always hitch his trousers as of it depends on it being so high up halfway of his body for it to not fall. Even if he already has a suspender to help it up.

Have you seen this being done in public? Yes, actually it is something totally normal for men to do. They stand somewhere and they try to hitch their trousers discreetly. How discreet can one be if you can only do it if you are standing. Then you still need to do some adjustment to your shirt on top. This act will not go away as much as anything women do discreetly. The feeling after the adjustment? A feeling of superiority as you can now walk with more onlookers looking at your hitched trousers.

It may not be at par with scratching your balls in public or adjusting your underwear so you have room to breath. It can be done in private but why bother when a person of a certain age looks at you and wondering why did they let him out? He is a mess. I have this theory, why all these kids playing and wearing clothes several time too big for them. With clothes that big, hitching up trousers is the least of their worries. For them, their underwear is to be seen and the trousers is to be worn below the ass. No one will want to hear about how to bring up trousers which is already on his or her knee.

Whatever it is, the spirit of Urkel lives on to remind us on how one can still look uncool while being cool...

Panties in a bunch...

"Don't get you panties in a bunch"

This expression has been sung in songs (I think it was by Eminem) and said by a few famous people which actually does not have to do with real panties, which means that it is a figurative expression. As a figurative expression, the meaning that the speaker tries to convey is that for the listener or those who he or she is directing the words to is for them to not let their mind be too worried about  a particular matter. In short, the message is "do not worry about this matter".

However, being the inquisitive mind that I am, I would like to dissect what the expression means (I love dissecting, you should see those things that I have dissected and never put back together). The expression of course comes from a lady's panties being bunch up during the course of them wearing it making them a bit uncomfortable and fidgetting around. Apply that scenario to the mind is an inquisitive mind which wants to know an answer to a burning question (which is another expression altogether). So, panties in bunch is something which your mind wants an answer to.

Why is panties in bunch used to describe what I have try explain in the paragraph above. Ever have your panties in bunch? It is not very comfortable is it? It can get between the crack of your ass and you try to do the impossible movement of trying to get it out using whatever muscle is there (is it the pelvic?) but after much attempt it is just frustatingly unsuccessful. If you are a man, you will just pull whatever it was that made you uncomfortable (as you can see I use the analogy of panties to describe underwear for both man and woman, though panties are usually worn by women, in general). If you are a woman, you may go to the loo and do it discreetly there although I have seen those who do it in public places as if she was trying to get something out of a small hole (which maybe true to some extent, you get thei idea)

So, ever had your panties in a bunch? Figuratively or otherwise?

Male bashing

I have just watched again the movie 'Guess Who' which starred the late Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher. In that particular movie, there was this scene where the two rivalling men, who were left to sleep on their own when both managed to anger their spouse/partner respectively the night before. The ladies have been having a whole night of male bashing session in which they drank until they were drunk. The guys did the same thing but what they talked about was on how to get back on their partners' good side. The same premise was used before in Jerry Maguire in which Tom Cruise had to actually beg Renee Zellweger character to accept him back. With that "You complete me!" speech in front of her sister's divorcee support group. Cruise really had it tough there...

What do women actually talked about in these sessions? They already are in control of their men's life, clothings and activities. They will be the one who arrange the comings and goings of their husbands and they are the one who should know everything about their spouse's life. When they lose control of this, especially for older couple, due to a change in lifestyle (retirement) or something which trigger the men to act differently (new hobby), the women will suddenly feel they have lost that control which was in their hands before. This is the moment matters can get out of hand and arguments can result more than just one of the party stomping off into the bedroom.

So, losing control of what, how, where and when something happens in the life of their spouse. Some may be under the control of their spouse and they are a different creature altogether. When they manage to summon the courage into breaking free of the shackle that they have been under, they would sometimes be fiery than a dragon being awoken. Whether that is for the better or for the worse is anyone's guess.

Let us look back at the movies. In the first movie, the male bashing session is due to the foolishness of Bermie Mac character in dealing with his daughter's boyfriend issue. It was not an issue of a wrong being done but more of someone's feeling being slighted and having accumulate over the years these unforgiving feelings, the wife suddenly felt it was time for some lesson. 

In Jerry Maguire, Jerry did not heed the advice of his friend who asked him to search his heart first before taking the plunge and when the crunch time comes, he did not manage to convince the woman in his life that he really love her. The support group in which Jerry had to make his case was Renee's character's sister's group who met every week and support each other as everyone had a worse story to tell on how they became a divorcee.

In my own experience, I sometimes have to endure the male-bashing session in my office full of women especially if the conversation starts with "Men!". In those session which I can make my exit, I try to do it as quietly as possible before they notice me as one of 'them'. The problem is being a few of the male in the office, I do tend to be caught in the crossfire. Especially if we decided to have lunch together and suddenly someone was reminded of something that their spouse or partner had done the night before.

Any story of your own of an all-out male bashing session?

The question you should never answer...

...which I answered truthfully. Yes, that question which they whispered at the club they called the Already Married Club. The question is "Do I look fat in this?". And yes, I am someone who loves to flirt with danger. I answered "Yes", if the answer I should be saying is that. And yes again, I am still alive and well, living in this small country I called Malaysia with all my limbs intact and breathing properly through a nose, not broken by any sudden move from the person who wanted me to answer that question.

I actually wonders why people would want to ask a question which they want to hear an answer to. I know, psychologist and women's magazine have said that you need to be tactful when dealing with the fairer sex about their looks and their heart. I beg to differ (as only a lawyer could without thinking of the consequences). 

My argument is based on the reason for the question. It is asked in order for the women to do a few things :-

1) So that they can assess whether they need to do any adjustment to the dress that they are wearing;

2) They need to know whether they need to do more exercise and whether the hard work that they have put in paid off;

3) If they have just given birth, they wanted an affirmation that they have really get back their 'before' figure;

4) They need to know whether all the money spent on the diet pill, girdle or other assortments of clothing which is supposed to make them slimmer do make them slimmer;

5) They need to know whether the tailor really did manage to do justice to the beautiful piece of cloth they bought which was then turned into a beautiful dress. Especially if the cloth was expensive and the tailor is supposed to be the best in town;

So, based on this just 5, with countless other justification, I herewith my lord (or is it madam), I think I reserve the right to answer the age-old question as truthfully as possible. Of course, if any of you suddenly couldn't contact me after more than 5 days or saw this blog not being updated more than one month, can you please contact the nearest police station within my area and see whether I am alive and well....

 

I think your butt looks a little big there dear...

Going commando

I had this friend once who was a kind of roommate to me during my university years. He was not renting with me but likes to hang out in my room nearly every other day as I have the room to myself while others share. Of course, I pay more of the rent too. Anyway, this friend of mine is the type who will never, ever wear an underwear for whatever reason. He is always changing his clothes by wearing his top first, either a shirt or a t-shirt, so it will cover his ass and balls while he put on his pants. For me who is an underwear wearer through and through it was a bit disconcerting and I always let him use the room after he took a bath.

Some girls that I know love it when their men do not wear any underwear. Some don't. For those who don't mind, it may be because it will be easier for them to gain access to the things that underwear is supposed to protect. For those who mind, I think in their mind it is more hygienic for the men to have something to separate their crown jewel with their pants. For me, it will be easier to control the damn thing which seems to have a mind of it's own especially when it sense something which may excite it. It is also more hygienic as men as much as women discharge unmentionables once in a while, whether voluntary or involuntary.

There are also certain school of thoughts which says that wearing an underwear when you are sleeping will stifle the development of your lovable 'pet'. During my secondary school years, the juniors were always teased if seen to be wearing a pajama in which their undies could be seen as school's endorsed pajamas were usually white in colour and are see-through. The seniors would give the junior a lesson in the importance of keeping their most important asset breathable when they sleep especially when they reached morning and the thing start to elongate itself.

Nowadays, as much as I like to wear some underwear to work, I do tend to go on commando when I am wearing a snug and fit jeans which will keep the boy down. Even if it suddenly feel the need to wake up, in that tight environment, it usually goes to sleep as the constricted area will not allow it to survive. Unless, it receive encouragement from it's owner or someone who is interested for it to be awake....

Gossipers

Yes, men actually are gossipers too. They just wouldn't admit to it, ever. Why do you think men takes a long time to get back home if they are at the corner stall or at the watering hole. They will act as if they were discussing the important matters like current issues or the economic slowdown or things that matters. They are actually discussing about a politician marrying a particular artist. A woman in their neighbourhood who seems loose and wear scandalous clothings. All the things that women gossip but done with more plomb and gusto.

In my circle of friends, whom I rarely meet nowadays, there is this one guy who people call a public service announcer. Just tell him about anything, that particular story will reach the whole lawyer's community within days. If a judge snapped during a trial either due to lack of evidence or just because she or he was having a bad day, I could bet my short that story will make it's way in no time. And yes, lawyers gossips too. Especially in last week case when a lawyer was beaten up by a suspect who was handcuffed but managed to free himself and caused a ruckus when he attacked that particular lawyer who he thought was a politician who had just caused an uproar in Parliament due to his vocal critisicm of the current's government political party. That story was known to all within an hour or so.

Of course men will not admit that they love gossip. I for one will deny it although I am known to do it once in a while. I love watching E! just to know what is going on in Hollywood and a local TV magazine show called Melodi about the latest happenings in the entertainment industry. Once I had the chance to go to a very famous celebrity would-be husband's house. That was 3 months before the husband divorced his then wife and married the celebrity. Their relationship was already strained then. The whole of the next week, each time I met a few of my VIP client, who are mostly men, that was the story which I told them about. They loved it and keep calling me the next one month for any new gossip.

 

A group of men discussing...

So, the next time you see a discussion by a group of men at the lobby of a hotel, smoking cigar and looking all important, don't believe for one minute that their discussion will make or break a company's bottom line. It may be just about Angelina Jolie's reaction during Jennifer Aniston's presentation at the Oscar...